If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?
07.06.2025 10:56
Narcissists and addicts strongly overlap.
NONPROFITS WITH MINIMAL SKILL employees that seem to have built a solid career on those bullshit fumes. The aforementioned in-between, wedged in the gray area between healthcare and pro-bono community service. Sometimes they are to be found in free clinics. That’s where I’ve come upon a FUCKING NEST. Their desk is surrounded by pamphlets that sound wrong about how it’s OK to shoot up heroin responsibly. They enjoy a position that lets them patronize and be great listeners.
Narcissists don’t feel like they need to change, but neither do non-narcissistic people. Covert narcissists, however, will take ZERO step towards their goals, while still daydreaming about their goals.
All fetishists are boundary-overstepping narcissists. If they need a safe word, it’s because they preemptively blame it on you (projection, gaslighting), when they’ve gone too far. BDSM, pup-play, anything of that sort is a red flag. I know it won’t be a popular take, but I’m based on experience. And those boundary-breaking-ins are a roadmap to emotional, physical abuse, and eventual rape.
Or, they will dedicate ALL of their time towards said goal, at the expense of their own preservation and at the expense of their loved ones.
TEACHING ASSISTANTS, TUTORS AND POST-GRADUATES AT THE UNIVERSITY. They love to dress up as teachers (their kink) and to interact with juicy freshmen (their supply). One of my Law School TA has his butthole spread out for all Twitter to see, on a PUBLIC profile.
What do people with very high IQs do all day?
You will not be the first person they have sex with today. They usually are hungover from a previous party, or still high and were kicked out of whatever hole they crawled out of. They hit you up like “Heeeeey” at 7 am on a Sunday morning.
They are prostitution and drug-dealing apologists.
They will be incognito and ashamed of their sex trysts, try darkrooms, backrooms, glory holes, no profile picture but very active on sex apps.
In the case of an addiction, it’s toward creating a life that can accommodate their alcoholism (“I’m a connoisseur leave me alone!”).
ANY YOUTUBER, CINEMATOGRAPHER, MEDIA CREATOR, ACTOR in an executive, teaching or producing capacity. That one needs no introduction.
They will be prostitutes, know prostitutes, know of prostitutes, know who has an OnlyFans, can recognize porn actors by name, in fact they have fucked a few of those actors, and they love to gossip how THIS GUY has done a video with an actual studio, on contract, WOW THE DREAM. They themselves have an OnlyFans or saucy social media account that saves them the trouble of broadcasting dickpicks to every dude that logs on to Grindr in a 2-mile radius.
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I can speak mostly for narcissists in my community, the gay community, and for addicts, specifically substance abusers (chem sexers), gym rats (that goes with juicing), alcoholics, and of course sex addicts, which isn’t especially prevalent, but they are the most visible.
Rehab has nothing to do with it. Narcissists aren’t narcissists because they’re addicted, they are narcissists because they are narcissists. Rehab won’t cure that.
Work-from-home BANKERS (they answer the phone and write emails and come and go from the “action”, they may even be itinerant sex addicts and spend time at a different guy’s place every day as a fetish, or go on vacation and work away from home as a fetish to prove themselves they can. They are always coked-up.), or other work-from-home agents but mainly in finance, distant IT maintenance, accountants, brokers, etc. It’s great that they happen to have work to do, because they can look right through you and kick you out when they’re done playing and bored (silent treatment, inconsistent reinforcement), and they can also stave you off when they don’t feel like seeing you or are plain cheating on you (gaslighting).
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They will be perceived by others with the same behaviour as being the worst of the worst, like they will be your low lives’ low lives. Or, conversely, if they are successful (overt) narcissists, they will be adored by everyone, talked about much, praised to heavens like queen bees. The difference between overt and covert is how available supply is.
Between Scylla and Charybdis
They have swimsuit pictures of themselves posted online, they pose with other people in the same state of undress.
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FLIGHT ATTENDANTS AND SEASONAL WORKERS IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY (It’s always some faceless dude’s holiday. Besides, patrons and other workers abound at ski stations, beach resorts, yay fresh meat).
Narcissists don’t feel “remorse”. They feel SHAME. Out of pity for the FAKE self they’ve created. They don’t sympathize with their true self, which is pathetic, weak, malevolent, petty, vindicative, violent, mean and hurting.
They will gossip about other people’s sex life, and try and find ways to include themselves into that life. They will become aggressive towards people who reject them and may stalk and harass as retaliation (hoover) which doesn’t mean they want you back at all (discard).
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As an example of a scapegoated, “borderline” victim who’s an addict but who’s really surrounded by narcissists and sociopaths everywhere he turns, look at Jessy Pink from “Breaking Bad”. A scapegoated victim will have many traits of the narcissist, but they will be obsessed with proving they are not narcissistic, have an obsessive fear of being identified as one, show a pattern of being abused and taken advantage of while failing to prioritize or care for their own needs and will seem to suck up both positive AND negative reinforcement (co-dependency).
MEDICAL DOCTORS, NURSES, ORDELIES, in positions that let them have ample free time and plenty of disposable income (employed and under contract for docs, say with a hospital where they have residency, not private practitioners, and on the other hand, self-employed nurses, at least not the zero-hour contracts like the ones in the UK and in Germany).
But the narcissist will always deny its PREY the prey’s own story of victimization, and mirror, redirect, gaslight while aggrandizing themselves through patronizing and guilting their own victim. Because THEY have done the work, and if YOU haven’t, maybe it’s because there is a problem with YOU.
They have an Instagram and everybody knows their insta, and they seem to have everybody on insta. They add you repeatedly, even when you refuse. They do not tolerate that they don’t have an open window to your privacy, and they accuse you of lying (projection) when you say you don’t have insta, TikTok, snapchat or whatever pulse these days older narcissists keep a finger on to keep in touch with the twinks.
If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?
The fact that some of them are con artists doesn’t mean they are not addicted. But it takes a narcissistic parasite to build their whole existence on hunting for victims as a means to make money. As sex-worker advocates say, not all sex-workers are victims of human trafficking and circumstance… some are narcissistic sociopaths too!
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Addicts who are narcissists are incurable (as are all narcissists) AND cannot achieve recovery from their addiction, ever. They will destroy their surroundings and exhaust their support systems before they are seen doing something about their situation. If they are coaxed into quitting or taking positive action, it’s usually because they are being monitored.
The monitoring effect is the main drive for shame in addicts, NPDs, as well as another particular category: ADD/ADHD, and I’m probably missing some others but I can only talk about what I know (I’m a scapegoated ADHD sufferer and I have navigated between addicts and narcissists all my life). But AD(H)Ds aren’t necessarily narcissists, just a disclaimer.
They have a job that lets them have sex all the time or everywhere. Not to stigmatize but there are red flags for sex addiction AND narcissism according to jobs amongst gays. As you can see, these cover perhaps 30% of the workforce, but not ALL workers in those industries or positions can possibly be narcissist, so I’m not saying that. But the narcissists I HAVE met were in those categories. Suffice it to say that I have not encountered only ONE of each, but MANY, and that attests to my being very lost at a time of my life, a time I wish to put behind me. I was a sucker, a mark, a victim. No more. Hope that helps the reader with their own experience:
Why do I feel so lazy every time I get into my room?
They randomly have a PayPal of GoFundMe attached to their social profile, but no particular project. They are open to being groomed and paid, might as well. They believe in the fetish that the men that give them money are “money slaves”. People who are not insane know that those are “johns”.
Not all addicts are narcissists, however. Addiction is a physical, chemical, psychological predicament that can be treated, if the person is willing to change (their habits and behaviours, not themselves, since people cannot change).
They are never hungry, never sleepy, and they wear that like a badge of honor. They look at you strangely if you are eating anything in front of them.
Why do I feel like I want to suck a big dick after injecting meth?
They will totally disregard you as a person, and project onto you their fetishized object. You will be objectified. They won’t care about you, but they will care about your compliance to their fantasy (typical narcissist and typical fetishist). For example, a narcissist/addict will love to humiliate you by ghosting, acting bewildered when you show up, either because they have replaced you within 30 minutes of a booty call, or because they are trying to trauma-bond you with negative reinforcement and cognitive dissonance. A puppy, rope-play fetishist will definitely choke, slap, punch, spit and try to inch their way through your boundaries. Finally, you never know how sober they are, and it might be that drunk them is friendly, but real them is very cold and distant and ashamed, or vice-versa. I’ve had a man sober up in my bed (mind you we were going out on the steady), and accuse me of having forced him into (receiving) oral sex from him (he jumped me). He proceeded to accuse me of shooting up drugs in the bathroom while I went for a wee (projection, paranoia, shame).
They will make innuendoes all the time. Brag about their sexual prowess, and keep retelling their day and the many events and many dicks that lead them to this present moment. No, they aren’t tired. Why?
They will have no boundaries and create misunderstandings and conflict around you, and recruit other TRASH to bash you if they feel you ARE better than trash. They will project. One of them once called me a “Don Juan” for no reason, and looked offended since I hadn’t singled him out (while he was going with everyone at the bar methodically, week after week). He does cheap, sad porn now. He’s banned from LGBT spaces everywhere. He harassed me on the phone and on Grindr, but he’s so pathetic I don’t want to put another nail in it.
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They will abuse substances and alcohol and engage in borderline self-hurt, like ODing, being in the presence of people who are likely to OD, show disregard for the safety and wellbeing of others, drive cars while under the influence (Pierre Palmade), buy drugs from anyone, include anyone, invite anyone at their place and other people’s places like it’s a red cup college frat party, run from the orgy scene when the scene becomes a crime scene, without a care in the world for the people injured (again, Pierre Palmade’s friends). They will be back at it the next day with no sense of propriety (again, France’s Pierre Palmade).
CAVEAT NUMBER 2: Meanwhile, FUNCTIONAL ADDICTS display an array of narcissistic traits, mainly in the form of strategies to hide their true self, who is embroiled in alcoholism or substance abuse or sex, so that the addiction almost replaces the person’s personality, and the substance is pervasive in all physical places, thoughts, motivation patterns, social interaction, meal times, waking up, smartphone use, etc. They will additionally fiercely deny their problem, project, rage and evade the subject, which is conscious, not proper denial: they just want to be left alone. If their narcissism / obsession / addiction doesn’t seem socially so unacceptable, they will get on their high horse and shame you instead. They built a support group around they sex-craved addiction, and you might find the common destitute whore rubs ‘shoulders’ with those functional, narcissistic, sex and substance addicts.
They will watch porn, like people turn on the news.
They will engage in free sex work in exchange for unlimited access to bathhouses, free drinks, and bragging rights. If necessary, I will remind the reader that these are all DIFFRENT GUYS I’m talking about. You will never hear the end of it if they get free unlimited access. The distinction between being a patron and being a hired worker (animator) will be very blurry. I still don’t know what kind of arrangement those people have, but if you are suddenly being fondled by a 10 in a steam room and you’re a 5, that’s your cue it’s a sex worker who’s initiated contact and you should probably think twice because everyone and their daddy’s been stirring this pot.
Moving on from sex workers, narcissistic/addicts will have a kink that you must perform or embrace and they will try to manipulate and direct you towards that goal, like it’s no big thing to ask. That includes, of course, partaking in their consumtion of drugs and alcohol. Again, boundaries are not met with a compromise. Compromise to them means you must meet them halfway in their degeneracy.
REAL ESTATE AGENTS and dodgy- or chain-hotel staff. They have keys to houses so they can cheat and invite you to have sex in weird places). They have the keys to famous people’s places such as famous footballer’s rooftop penthouses or a villa with a pool, or they may have a charter from the Middle Ages granting them care for a church between the walls of which they like to organize orgies that typically take place right on the altar, it’s FUN. I didn’t go to the last one, FYI.
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They will be the first to tell you about some new, niche or obscure follow-up to Craiglist/Grindr/Bumble/Tinder/Scruff, etc. And they will be STUCK on those apps 24/7.
BULLSHIT JOBS ON A PAYROLL, PUBLIC OR PRIVATE, AND BUSINESS OWNERS WITH ENOUGH EMPLOYEES TO RUN THE PLACE FOR THEM. They have a lot of Excel sheets to email for important meetups. It’s not clear what they do but they certainly do not get bothered about being able to show up to their 9-to-5, while on their 6-to-8 drug-fuelled sex romp.
That kind of party sometimes starts without your ken, like you thought you were coming to an ugly sweater Christmas party, and guys start reaching towards you under the table and you creep the fuck out with other frightened guests in tow… Only for the couple to also want to follow you home. Or, you are invited to a tête-à-tête and there are 2 guys there, and some others follow behind you. You must know this is phishing, entrapment, and those people are drug-dealing criminals, not fun-seeking sex-positive fellow gays.
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They will seek out, pursue, lure and corrupt young “jailbait” adult teenagers and try and serve as a networking hub or nexus between them, hosting soirées, offering food, while trying to break down their self-respect and personal boundaries, and engage very early in talks of “you need to change your outlook on life”, “maybe it’s you who need to change”, “age is just a number.” Addiction and predation go hand in hand, addiction only means automatic victimhood in the head of a narcissist. They promise to hook you up to a job or accommodation, and on the way there you do a pitstop to the bathhouse.
In the case of a simple overt narcissist, it will be doing everything they can to achieve beauty, riches, success, you name it. An example is a narcissistic boyfriend who is addicted to his own body and because a nutritionist and a life coach just so he could “work on himself”, while achieving nothing in his life, and leaving a trail of traumatised exes.
AND OF COURSE, POLITICIANS. So many instances of gay depraved, child rapist narcissists in American politics. But we have our instances in Europe too, like the Hungarian neo-nazi who was found at a huge party during covid lockdown, or persistent rumours about some French former candidate to a major city’s mayorship, and his very public, very naked, very hard fall.
They will find accommodation that’s close to a densely-populated centre, because otherwise how are they going to find people to fuck?
They may work at a free clinic, and hand out pamphlets about protection, PrEP, and chemsex risks, but they themselves engage in unprotected drugs-fueld sex orgies, will shame you for not being on PrEP when they invite you to them, and you give that pretext to tell them to go to hell, but they still purport to screw you right now, who cares, THEY’RE protected. Reminds me of a famous case in France where a narcissist was willingly contaminating women with HIV, and telling them it was their fault for letting him take the condom off…
For instance a sex addict may have 5 different hook-up apps, and plan their weekends and holidays according to how much sex they’re going to experience, or have multiple booty calls and will call you a prude if you raise concerns, or, heaven forbid, criticism (sounds like a narc having multiple supply sources). Let’s delve deeper into the particular manifestations of sex addiction, for instance.
CAVEAT NUMBER ONE: narcissists can organize in groups, from families to criminal organizations, to flip the script on an individual target (the scapegoat). The scapegoat might look like the narcissist, but you have to understand that an apparent scapegoated victim can be a covert narcissist, and vice-versa, the one who accuses the authentic blameless victim of being a narcissist is DEFINITELY a COVERT NARCISSIST.
Sometimes if feels like there are trials and tribulations you must pass as a gay man in order to achieve a balanced life beyond the pitfalls of the gay “lifestyle” (I’m only using that term because ‘condition’ has even worse potential for misinterpretation).
They either unassumingly assume the role of, or rely on HAWKERS or party planners. The role of party planner is a sex worker’s role. They are here to see that YOU, the host, are not ODing, and maybe they will also check on others. They mix drinks, play DJ, start arguments for drama if all attempts at conversation fails, they are fluffers, they join in on the sex and then abruptly stop, try to start something. They do dishes, clean the room, put the rubbish away, slap a few butts, again to start THINGS, ANYTHING. From the outside looking through Grindr’s lense, you can see them online and being very open and flirting, but they disappear for 30 to 40 minutes before simply leaving a like to your message. That’s because they are juggling phones and accounts, as well as stealing phones from drugged-up attendees, in order to catfish as many people as possible, while looking legit. It’s a legit party it’s so chill come on. The idea is to reel-in guests for drug selling and consumption, and to find rich guys to leech on.
They will volunteer at shelters for estranged and abandoned underage gay and trans kids, and statutorily rape them and sexually harass them. Again, this is based on facts.
Narcissist don’t feel regret, they feel regret they were caught, they feel regret they didn’t lie well enough, they feel regret you got a clue, they feel regret that the world IS TRULY AGAINST THEM, but not in a way they can garner sympathy from, and most importantly they feel regret when YOU were a victim and YOU were able to garner support and sympathy, while they cannot achieve this and need to nudge unstable, co-dependent victims to lament and commiserate with them.
Hygiene will be concentrated on the physique with extreme practices such as intermittent fasting, purging (but not through the mouth… not only anyway), cosmetics, tincture, manscaping, obsessive skincare, and diet and nutrition, as well as quantifying exercise. Clothes won’t matter as long as they look good naked. Clothes must be sexy, tight-fitting, revealing, and of a certain brand associated with porn or lingerie (jockstraps, leather and pins, sportswear, masks. Clothing is fetishized). The motivator for hygiene is sex. Shower fetishes are a narcissist’s favourite thing. They get to expose themselves and have people look at them. The clothing has to be sportswear, because sport = shower. So the clothing must be simple and come off fast. A sign of a narcissist in a man is someone who always wears sportswear and at-home clothes. For example, my sportswear-only ex BF was a fitness coach, and he would tell me that he walked about naked and dripping in the office after hours, and he got a raise from thinking his female coworkers might have been notified by the security system and saw the video surveillance feed live on their phones of him naked and about.
They engage in sex with people much older than they are, or much younger than they are, a lot, indiscriminately. They don’t have a type. They don’t have a boyfriend. They cheat a lot and they have a boyfriend who’s OK with an open non-relationship, or they themselves are OK with an open non-relationship. They tend to go on holiday on a whim, and it’s always about what sex they can have with the local flavour.
They travel for sex. They are sex tourists. They will have gone to Turkey to get their balding fixed, and to load up on controlled substances in the meantime. If they get caught import-exporting drugs in large batches, they are w-w-wictims of an underdeveloped fascist country. Ibiza, Mykonos, Berlin, Paris, Barcelona, “Matinees” rave piss-pool parties wherever they happen. Bangkok, for very shady, unspeakable reasons. I will NEVER go to Thailand as a gay man only because of the stigma narcissists and addicts have created around that destination.
They will assume consent and get angry if you show hard (or soft) boundaries. They are potential rapists. Some of them in my town have been heard bragging about taking advantage of a young man who’d passed out from the drugs they had fed him.
They will insist on going to sex bars, hook-up bars, LGBT (gay) bars, drag bars. Separating identity and sexuality from performative sex will be treated as prudish, a waste of time, etc.
Sex workers of course, and they are everywhere. I put INFLUENCERS and LIFE COACHES, MASSEUSES, CHARLATANS (sophrologists, dieticians, personal shoppers, fixers and errand boys) in the same category.
PSYCHOLOGISTS, THERAPISTS (psychoanalysis). No boss, no issue. All you need to start a practice is a Master’s degree in what amounts to basically a Arts Degree, a place the size of a cupboard, and a timer. Not to say they’re not useful, they are, but we’re talking about sex addicts here and narcissists. The good thing about being a sex-addict narcissist with a psychology diploma is that you get to work with TROUBLED TEENS and patronize them about their AGRESSION (gaslighting). Narcissists abound in therapy, that is, in the therapist’s chair. I’ve cycled through 7 therapists in 5 years, and only ONE was neither gay not a narcissist, nor a gay narcissist female enabler working under gay narcissistic boss, with narc coworkers. I told you that free clinic was a NEST. After 1 YEAR of therapy, being gaslighted about not having been sexually harassed and insulted many times over text… Takes a special kind of FLYING HAG.
They will invite you for a hook-up for the sole purpose of snubbing you, while showing off in front of you, getting naked, but never starting anything if they can help it. They will prompt you to undress and pleasure yourself if they cannot join you out of tiredness, impotence, or lack of interest for you. That one is especially dark and twisted, but very real and commonplace. If you are set upon not buying or trying anything, they will pretend they have a thing and it’s too bad you came at the end of the soirée and they will kick you out.